I watched a trio of old horror movies these last few days. The first was 1984’s The Jar, an obscure, strange, experimental flick.
A man named Paul gets into a car accident. The other driver is an elderly man who appears dazed and injured. Paul brings home the old man, who asks him to also bring a jar he has in a paper bag. When they get to Paul’s apartment, the old man suddenly vanishes. Paul sees that the jar is filled with blue liquid and has a strange creature inside it. Soon enough, Paul begins to feel weird and starts having strange hallucinations, and becomes convinced that’s it’s being caused by the creature in the jar.
The movie plays like a fever dream, showing a series of surrealistic scenes that showcase his hallucinations and growing paranoia. He begins to act increasingly erratic as the delusions caused by the creature in the jar continue to plague him. If you enjoy abstract, avante garde style cinema, then The Jar might be something worth checking out. It certainly is an interesting watch.
MONSTER SHARK aka DEVIL FISH
This Italian monster film is quite funny. Animal attacks at sea begin to arouse the suspicion of the local sheriff, and he teams up with some ocean researchers to find the creature responsible.
The monster turns out to be a genetically engineered beast that’s half shark and half octopus, with tentacles and a mouth full of sharp teeth. You only get glimpses of it, but it’s enough to realize how ridiculous it is. While this is clearly a Jaws ripoff, it plays less like the original Spielberg classic and more like Jaws 3D, meaning, it’s super cheesy and unintentionally hilarious. The monster attacks are a lot of fun, as is the ridiculous dubbed dialogue and bad acting.
Monster Shark is up there with films like Up From The Depths, Piranha and Piranha II: The Spawning in being a bad but fun animal attack flick. The less seriously you take it, the more fun you’ll have.
X-RAY aka HOSPITAL MASSACRE
This 1981 slasher was very entertaining. It starts with a little girl playing with a train set with another boy (I didn’t catch if it was her brother or not). Another boy named Harold spies on them through the window, then knocks on the door and leaves a note. The girl retrieves the note, which is a Valentine card to her, but when they see the name on it, they laugh and crumple it up, making fun of Harold, who sees this through the window. Angered, he sneaks in and kills the other boy as revenge.
Years later, that same girl is now an adult and stops at a local hospital to get the results of some recent tests. A mystery person kills her doctor and changes her test results to keep her there at the hospital, where he begins to stalk her and murder anyone else who gets in the way. All the staff and a few patients at this hospital act very secretive and creepy, so this killer could be anyone. The woman, Susan, desperately tries to escape while the killer gets closer and closer.
The murders are all bloody and plentiful, including strangulations, stabbings, a decapitation, and impalements, all with surgical tools. The killer is obviously a grown up Harold who still wants Susan, but the flick keeps you guessing which of the adults he is; a doctor, her ex husband whom she’s fighting with, another hospital staff member, or even a patient.
X-Ray aka Hospital Massacre is a standard but fun slasher that keeps the murders and mystery coming enough to keep you engaged. I very much recommend it if you enjoy 80’s slashers.
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