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Splatter University 1984 / Massage Parlor Murders 1973



This 1984 horror film from Troma Studios is hilariously bad. A mental patient escapes from a psychiatric facility after murdering a staff member. A few months later, a teacher at a university is brutally murdered. The next semester, new teacher Julie Parker joins the faculty. She soon finds herself confronted by apathetic students, a strict boss, and the growing suspicion that the faculty member named Mark that she’s begun to date may not be as innocent as he seems. And as the title suggests, someone is going around killing the school’s students and staff members.








Between the cheesy music, the threadbare, bone-headed plotting, the amateur acting and funny murders, it’s an enjoyable, cheesy splatter fest. The various subplots include a student who finds out she’s pregnant, the rest of the students who only care about partying and are completely nonchalant about the murders of their fellow classmates and friends, secret trysts amongst the staff members, and Julie’s kooky landlady, who provides a lot of comedy relief. Julie also becomes inexplicably suspicious of the guy she’s dating. In one scene she’s completely fine upon hearing that he was dating the teacher who was killed the prior semester, and in the next, she’s full on Nancy Drew, determined to break into his place to find out what she can about him. It’s all so sudden and jarring, as if some in between scenes were skipped over. It does such a terrible job at hiding the identity of the killer, you’d have to be a fool to not know who it is. Yet it still manages to be entertaining with its low budget shenanigans and various murders.









Troma Studios, who became famous in the 80’s for their low-budget cheapies, including the highly successful cult classic The Toxic Avenger, delivers its usual brand of absurd nonsense with this one. It’s not a great slasher by any means, with its uneven, goofy tone, but it’s not bad for a weekend afternoon with some beer and pizza. 








The 2nd flick of my double feature was an early 70’s exploitation horror cheapie called Massage Parlor Murders.




Two New York detectives named Rizotti and O’Mara are called to investigate the murder of a girl who worked at a massage parlor. It seems Detective Rizotti was a regular customer of that place and personally (wink wink) knew the girl who was killed, Rosie. He becomes determined to solve her murder, but soon enough, the killer strikes again. Now, they race against time as a crazed serial killer is on the loose, murdering women who work in the red light district of New York’s massage parlors.









The movie is quite odd but watchable, featuring both decent and awful acting, meandering scenes that do nothing to advance the plot, lots of sexploitation and T&A, oddly framed and murky camera shots and angles, and a barely there storyline. The flick shows the detectives as they follow up on leads, mixed with POV shots of the killer selecting his victims at the parlors, and a subplot where O’Mara starts a romance with Gwen, the roommate of the first girl who was murdered. At one point, he and Gwen go to some pool orgy party, where everyone is frolicking around naked, and he sees some girl getting harassed by a guy. Detective O’Mara goes running after him, thinking  he might be the killer. Wearing only a towel, he steals a taxi, and a bizarre car chase ensues, where they crash into various things and cause a few accidents. There are also several shots of the characters wandering around at night, with the grindhouse theatre marquees of 42nd street advertising their offerings. The opening scene shows a massage girl trying to work her customer, who’s an awkward, neurotic, chubby married guy, into giving her more money for disrobing. It comes off like a 70’s porn, mixed with a Woody Allen flick. All of these bizarre elements keep you watching, wondering what random thing will happen next.









Despite its low budget, it still manages to be a sleazy, gritty, gratuitous and goofy romp that’s entertaining. The flick just sails along, until Detective Rizotti figures out the killer’s motive, during, of all things, a sermon at a church. Massage Parlor Murders is an interesting viewing experience. It’s available to stream on Tubi, while Splatter University is on YouTube (there were a few moments where the sound goes out, strangely enough). Check them out if you dig these old grindhouse films.









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